We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
