man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
