glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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