..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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