it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
