Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
