How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
