my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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