Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
