The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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