you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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