fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
