guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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