I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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