i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
