the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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