I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Nicole vs. Life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
