what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
