I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
