I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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