I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
