So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
