Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
