Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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