I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
