saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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