He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
