Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
