look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
