What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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