We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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