i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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