I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
