Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
