u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize