dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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