i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
