Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
