You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
