I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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