You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize