my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
