I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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