Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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