Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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