I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
