I wish they made helmets for livers.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize