remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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