dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
