Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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