after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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