is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
