So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
