Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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