did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
