I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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