I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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