im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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