jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
