I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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