im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You're like the curious george of whores
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
