weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
