i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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