She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
