You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
