I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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