I think my vagina is haunted
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
