i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize