8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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