My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
