it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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