I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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