just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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