I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
