Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
are you so shy because you have an std?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
MIDGETS
????
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
