I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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