are you still at the devil's house?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
