yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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