I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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