i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize